I'm not sure what to call this post.
I've had a bad couple of days in the food department, despite my resolution earlier in the week. The scale is ugly right now. Really ugly. I feel like I'm going to spinning class in vain. I can't out-exercise my fork...and I know this to be true...and I feel like giving up.
So hard. Have been working several hours a day even though it's "vacation" because a grad student who went out of town unintentionally dumped a LOT of work on me. Said grad student honestly didn't realize how much work it was going to be to continue the project. But I am stuck with it, and for the first time in memory, I had to work on Christmas Day for a rather lengthy period of time. I know it could be worse; doctors, nurses, police, etc. work lots more on holidays. But I usually don't.
Lots of family in town, which is fun but also more work. I have been doing lots and lots of cooking, cleaning, etc. I'm pretty tired, which lowers my food resistance. Add in the fact that there is a LOT LOT LOT of junk food around the house and it's just a nightmare. This too shall pass, but I need to get out alive. Feel like I'm in a tailspin.
Not. Giving. Up.
What is my alternative? If I'd given up earlier in the month, this would be even worse and the scale would have an even higher number. Seems impossible, but must be true. Seriously, if I hadn't been trying to keep the weight and the appetite at bay (which I have...believe it or not!), I bet I could have gained 20 pounds in one month. It's ridiculous.
If I give up now, I know I will just be completely miserable. I don't ever want to go back to the way I used to live before I lost the weight. I'm not that person any more, but I also still have plenty of issues. It's confusing.
I went spinning this morning. It was a great class, with Jen. I'm motivated to reset the food intake, and today is more relaxing, as everyone but me and Calvin is out skiing. I can't ski (broken toe) and don't want to unless it's cross-country, but of course they are downhill skiing. However, I have to go to work (again........whee.........), and we are all going out to dinner tonight, which presents its own fun set of challenges. I'm mentally prepared now, but by evening my willpower is usually depleted a bit. A nap might help. Relaxing WILL help. Calvin and I plan to chill and shop for books, and hang out and play games a bit. I am looking forward to a day with my boy :). (Wow, this paragraph is really disjointed stream-of-consciousness!). The point is that I really am NOT. GIVING. UP.
Today is a new day. Get ready. Reset. Go.