I am just going to keep on going. Things are definitely not easy right now, but my problems could be a LOT worse, so I'm trying to keep perspective.
Yesterday I took a rest day. Today I went to the track intending to do a 3K fartlek. Yup, a little nothing workout. I warmed up for 1600m in 10 min flat, and my legs were so sore you'd have thought I did 10 miles. I know I sound whiny, but really that is how it felt. My legs were tired going up the stairs this morning and tired just casual walking to the track and in to work. I do NOT want to feel this way. I want to racewalk and feel good. This is NOT just in my head.
For some reason, my glutes and hamstrings feel it more than other muscles. Or something. I'm not sure why, but racewalking is much more tiring than doing the elliptical or riding my bike. Not that the elliptical is as easy as usual; after my 10 min walk this morning I did 35 min on the elliptical and that tired me too, but not as much as racewalking.
I did consider doing the 3K fartlek anyway. I am sure I COULD have done it, and it would have been slow, but yeah, I could have done it. However, I felt that I needed to save my strength so that I could at least get some exercise. It is really important to me to get enough cardio to keep weight gain at bay, and if that means racewalking a bit less it stinks, but I feel I have no other option. Yeah, I could eat less, but that is quite difficult too. There aren't a lot of good choices here. It's hard, and I had a good cry and felt sorry for myself for a bit this morning. Loren was a good listener and helped me through it, and I have enjoyed the day today at work despite it all. I'm going to try not to dwell on the negative, as that just makes it worse.
I'll keep blogging because it may help someone else, and if not, well, it might help me in the future or be therapeutic now to get out my thoughts and feelings.