This week - still not improving

I'm not improving. But then again, I haven't rested well. I wanted to, but with the bathroom remodel comes certain obligations, unless I want to spend even more money, and it's already stupid expensive. I took Sunday & Monday as rest days, but I had to paint on Monday & Tuesday (Tuesday was a holiday here, and I'd arranged for the long weekend). I didn't want to, but that was how the timing went with the remodel. I did have some help from Kathryn (church friend) and Calvin, thank goodness, but even with that it was VERY taxing. It's not a small room, and I had to do the ceiling, and I wanted to do a really, really good job since the rest of the room will be a high end remodel thanks to my amazing contractor Jesse. I got it done, but at the cost of my health I'm afraid.

Add in the 10K "race" I was registered for that I did on Tuesday (the Deseret News 10K, which I usually LOVE to do), walking casually with Calvin, and racewalking just 3K (time 1:22), and that put me over the edge. I was really just dead on my feet. 

I went back to work on Wednesday and felt terrible. Definitely no exercising. I intended to just work a few hours and take some sick time, because of how I felt, but I ended up staying for my usual ~7 hours. Same on Thursday, though I felt a bit less terrible and did 20 min elliptical before work. On Friday I actually felt better, and did 30 min elliptical before work.

On Friday I also had an appointment with the hematologist to see what he thought about my anemia. Remember, I have mild anemia with a hemoglobin of 12.3 and hematocrit of 37.5. Normal for women is 13 and 39, minimum. I have a history of at least 7 years of mild anemia and my family doc thought I should get it worked up with my continuing fatigue and my desire to racewalk competitively. Add in a low white count and mild neutropenia (low # of neutrophils, which help fight infection) and it was cause to get a referral. The hematologist was excellent (and in fact, knows my boss in a roundabout manner), and we hit it off well. He looked me over carefully, took a thorough history, and had good news and bad news. The good news is that I don't have a major hematologic disorder (like, say, blood cancer). The bad news is that I have what they call "anemia of chronic disease", which means that my anemia is merely symptomatic of some other disease process, likely chronic inflammation of some type or some autoimmune disorder. Since I've been to rheumatology (the autoimmune specialists) and they didn't find anything, this is more perplexing. There is something wrong, but no one knows what it is. He suggested an immunologist, perhaps, but the direction is a bit unclear from here. I am definitely going to go back to my family medicine doc and sports medicine doc and see if they have further advice.

Meanwhile, something is very, very wrong, and I have no idea what or how to feel better. It's bad enough now that it is affecting my work and personal life, which is worse than just affecting racewalking. It's bad enough that social media is painful because then I see all my racewalker friends' accomplishments and feel worse. On the bright side, I seem to be over the worst of it as far as my antidepressant withdrawal. I'm still pretty emotional, but the nausea, dizziness, headaches, and brain zaps are gone. Still, it will take my body a while to make more serotonin, and I'm likely to feel fairly lousy for a bit because of that, which is definitely not helping things. I'll get through this, but it's not fun.

a new low

I'm feeling very, very bad.

I think it's mostly because of quitting the escitalopram, but this is the worst the problems have been in years. Fatigue, headache (splitting, in the morning - ibuprofen and acetaminophen at max doses calmed it enough so I could get to work on Wednesday & Thursday).

So...

Wednesday and Thursday - rest days. Just felt awful. Made it through work and all the other required activities, but just barely. To be fair, work has been unusually demanding in terms of attention required (many undergrads in lab) and time (just a lot of experiments going on), which is fine, but adds to exhaustion. Plus our bathroom remodel has demanded a fair amount of decision making power, which is a good thing, but adds in to the mix.

Friday - went to the track, which I was supposed to do on Thursday. Warmed up, and my legs were like lead. I feel like I have to do the workouts now though, because of Spain. But as you'll see, a course correction is in the plans now. Anyway, I did the warm-up, then 3x1km @85% effort (though perhaps I gave it a little more - it's hard to hold myself back). I felt really terrible, and was extremely slow - 6:15, 6:18, 6:22 with HR in the low to mid 160s. Not good at all. This is the worst it has been, and my muscles HURT.

Saturday - rest day, because I just have to. My body feels dead and unresponsive, and I am VERY sore - reminiscent of the weird muscle soreness I had back in 2013-2014. Makes me think that it might have to do with the escitalopram, since the time proximity is correlated. But correlation is not causation, and this might just be a random relapse with nothing to do with the medication change. Regardless, I'm doing some VERY easy trim painting today and some light errands, but otherwise have been resting. Got Calvin and Loren to do some necessary yard work :) but I think I also need to do some laundry. Have also been planning for our trip to Spain, getting some accommodations and asking friends who live there (Jill) or are from there (Paula, our kids' former teacher) for advice, so that's coming along.

On the bright side, the bathroom remodel is coming along, and I'm posting pics of the new windows. We are enjoying them even though it's just a big empty room with lots of drywall dust and a lonely toilet right now!

Track Tuesday

Sunday: rest day. I was SO dead after 12k Saturday PLUS helping a friend move for 3 hr PLUS two major shopping excursions (bathroom tile because we're redoing our master bath, and Costco because I promised a friend I'd take him). Oops. I tried to rest a lot on Sunday but I had some social obligations so my rest was more limited than I'd have liked. I did get good sleep Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights.

Monday: My body was still tired so I did a 45 min (or so) casual walk with the dogs for exercise. It felt nice to move w/o pushing things at all.

Today: speed work. I was to do a 3K fartlek with the fast segments at 85% effort, 4' rest, 4x500 @85% effort. It's stupid hot outside right now; I woke up later than planned so I couldn't do the outdoor track before work. I slept very poorly because 1) I went to bed too late because I had a meeting re: our hosting for the SL Fellows program next year, 2) there was a massive and loud thunderstorm at 11pm, and 3) Sugar barked on overdrive at something (who knows what? probably a raccoon?) at 2 am. Grim face at left after my workout, at the gym - outdoors was hot behind me (it's only 90F right now or 32.2C, which is not THAT hot for July, but it is no picnic for RW).

I went to work and did a bunch of stuff, then managed to pull myself away for my workout at 11am. I felt dizzy, probably from lack of sleep, but also maybe still a side effect from not taking the escitalopram (my last dose was Sunday the 8th). I had tired, achy glutes before the workout, and I have no idea why - I felt recovered from moving the boxes and from my Saturday workout yesterday. So what the heck is this soreness???

Mentally it was SO hard to stay positive. My inner critic was on overdrive. I tried to shut it up by reminding it that it is not helping me get better. That worked for a bit and then it just kept kicking back in. When I do a workout and am SO MUCH SLOWER than I EVER have been historically, it's so hard to make that voice shut up. It is just painful to do speed work because of it! I swear if there was a good easy way to make it go away, I would. I wonder if the escitalopram helped it quiet down, and that's why it's worse now? Or maybe it's the lack of sleep. It was a most unpleasant workout because of that.

I did keep from doing an all-out effort. I had to keep reminding myself to hold a little back. So...yeah, I was VERY slow.

Converting from the 292.6m track, my fartlek was 19:10.3, with fasts and mediums (585.2m each, converted to 500m times) of 3:02.7, 3:18.2, 3:07.5, 3:18.7, 3:11.5 (!UGH!). My 500m were approximate - I had to make an educated guess based on my lap times where the 500m split was. Assuming I was close, my 500m times were 3:02.3, 3:04.1, 3:06.4, and 3:03.2 (that's similar to outdoors last week, so that's probably about right).

It's hard to shut off the voice that says I'm too slow to go to Spain. It's hard not to compare to where I used to be. It's hard to feel really sick (I'm SO fatigued and dizzy today). I should probably go home early from work and take a sick day but I have stuff to do, and let's face it, work is a higher priority than recreational hobbies like racewalking, because it has to be.

hilly 12k; brain all a-mush

Today went well given the circumstances. I still feel like things are turning the corner though I know from this workout it doesn't look like it. But I have optimism anyway, because I feel like once I am feeling a little better things are going to turn the corner.

I have felt pretty ill the last couple days - avert your eyes and skip to the next paragraph if squeamish. Otherwise, read on....you've been warned. Thursday night I went to bed a bit late (~11?) after reading an e-mail that stressed me out a bit (everything is fine but it was anxiety-provoking). I woke up at 2am because I had diarrhea (probably from the antidepressant leaving my system - this has been a persistent and annoying symptom) and I started thinking about the e-mail and then could not get back to sleep for 2 hours. Then I slept from 4-6 and woke up and couldn't sleep more. I still felt pretty sick.

Friday morning, despite feeling a bit ill (dizzy, fatigued, mild brain zaps, a touch of nausea, sleep-deprived) I got on the elliptical for 20 min, because exercise does help one get through the day even if stupid tired. I think it helped. I made it through a tough day at work and when I got home I crashed for about 30 min. Got up and made dinner, then after dinner I went to bed at 8:00 and went to sleep at 8:45. I slept for almost 9 hours :) and woke feeling a bit better, but still dizzy and fatigued. I have not taken any medication since Sunday night, when I took 2.5mg of escitalopram. I'm hoping to gut it out this weekend and hoping that the symptoms ease by Monday so that I can work.

Today has been stupid busy but I'm sorta managing. The 12K was slow; I did the first 6k alone and then 6k with Calvin and at one point in the last 6k I got really emotional. Poor Calvin got kinda mad at me and wouldn't walk with me again until I apologized, which I did, because I was being stupid. It's just hard to be so slow, and to know I'm signed up for World Masters, and to know I can't train as hard as I want. I'm still going to try. The 12K was 7:02/km for 1:24:30 with ave HR 141. Also, it was warm and humid (for here), at 26.1C (79F) and 42%. (That was at 6:30am...ughhh!).

You probably don't care that then I helped our pastor's family move (Calvin helped too), and then went tile shopping for the bathroom because it's impossible to get over to the showroom before 4:30 on weekdays and the tile place my contractor likes closes at 5. Or that I then took our summer roommate Jonathan over to Costco because he doesn't have a membership and needed some things. Or that when I got home I was stupid tired and I might have yelled at the kids and husband because the dishes weren't done (I'd asked the kids to please do them while I was gone and the husband to please stay on them to do it), or that Calvin put a hot pan lid on our dining room table, which is my one favorite piece of furniture, aside from the piano, and the only really nice furniture that I have ever purchased new, and that it now has an ugly ring (which is admittedly faint but I'm still very angry). I might have gotten very upset and was angry not just because the table is now marred, but also because I do love Calvin much more than I love the table and am angry at myself for being angry at him. I might have had a meltdown while making pizza dough for our homemade pizza (Saturday tradition) and Calvin might have given me a very sweet hug. I told him how I felt and that I love him more than the table but that I'm still angry about the table but also that I'm mad at myself for being mad at him. I think he understands?

It might be time to take a short nap before I melt down more. I'm so tired.

SugarHouse Park - overcast, warm, humid

With the boy I love much more than my table...sigh.....

workout updates

June 25: Easy 5K at Zermatt Resort; 33:12, 6:38/km, ave HR 145. Felt a bit tired, but not bad.

June 26: 45 min elliptical at Zermatt. Felt good.

June 27-29: recovering from huge anniversary party on the 26th (25 years!) and prepping for vacation to Indiana. Stupid busy and stupid tired. Did nothing. Also, feeling pretty ill from not taking the escitalopram; have had to take 2.5mg every few days to just manage, but don't really feel great.

June 30: easy 5K in Grand Junction, CO, where we were camping on the 1st day of vacation. 34:05 for 6:49/km with ave HR??? Forgot my HR monitor :/. My Fitbit says 123 but that's not right...that must include a stop or 2 for photos/rest at 2.5km point.

July 1: rest day - camped in Salina, KS and thunderstorms kept us up much of the night. UGH! I felt lousy.

July 2: easy 6K in Indiana at Laurie's house. SO HUMID. 40:30 for 6:45/km with ave HR 147 according to my Fitbit. Seems close anyway.

July 3: Cross-training - rode Matt's bike outside for 45 min, and went about 19km (11.8 miles). Much more comfortable than walking in that humidity.

July 4: easy 6K in Indiana. Still SO humid. 40:55 for 6:49/km with ave HR 140 according to Fitbit.

July 5: felt lousy. Took another rest day. Just couldn't face the humidity!

July 6: Drove to Peoria, Ill., and met Ollie for lunch. Did 10K at his pace (1:20:53, 8:05/km), which was fine given that it was 27.2C (81F) and 54% humidity, which is high for me (and for Calvin, who tagged along). It was definitely cooler than normal for there in summer, but felt pretty hot to me. I have to do some heat training....(ugh). Maybe when I feel a bit stronger. Then we drove to Keokuk, IA to meet up with my family members (aunt, cousins, etc).

July 7: Finally some good weather! Did 9.5km at 6:54/km and ave HR 131 according to Fitbit, for what it's worth. It was 17.2C (63F) with 77% humidity. It felt really nice out. My legs got really tired at the end, and it was a bit hilly (60m elevation gain along the route), but so nice to do a bit of a nostalgia tour of where my grandparents used to live, and where my parents went to high school. Then we drove all day and camped in Ogallala, Nebraska.

July 8: rest day - driving home! Got home about 6pm and made dinner. Felt very nauseated/headachy/dizzy so took 2.5mg escitalopram. Felt better later in the evening.

July 9: Legs were really off from being in the car so much, but went out for a walk anyway. It was warm at 23.9C (75F) and quite humid for Utah at 54%, and my legs were definitely annoyed with me, and I felt sluggish. 6K at 6:58/km with ave HR 139. In other news, signed up for WMA 2018 in Malaga, even though I'm deathly slow. Maybe I'll feel better by then. Maybe I won't. I won't be last, so I'll probably compete. I'm having trouble getting excited about the trip to Spain, and sorta wishing I hadn't bought the tickets, except that my kids and hubby are super excited to go. Sigh....I was hoping this mystery illness thing would be better by now.

July 10: Knew I had to do some speed work, and am finally feeling semi-human from decreasing the escitalopram (though not 100% by any means). Jim had tasked me with a 5K fartlek at 85% effort for the previous day, but because of vacation did it one day late. Wow, was I ever slow, but hey, I'm just grateful I could do it. 33:30 for 6:38/km with ave HR 152.

July 11 (today): Cross-training. Rode my bike to work, uphill...about 25 min of good cardio. Then home (flying!).

fatigue/mystery illness update

I haven't posted in a year. I realize in reviewing my blog that it's actually quite helpful in many ways to have a record of stuff I've done to address the chronic-fatigue-like illness I've struggled with for the past 5 years. So I thought I'd post again to try and get the ball rolling and get back in the habit.

But where do you start after a year of not blogging?

Well, for starters, I have a bit of time to blog this morning, uncharacteristically. I'm with Loren up at Zermatt Resort in Midway for our 25th anniversary. We wanted a little R&R after hosting a pianist for the Gina Bachauer competition for the last two weeks (SO fun but also SO busy!).  We also really wanted to celebrate 25 years - that's a major accomplishment! Loren likes to sleep in, and I'm a morning person, so I thought I'd blog and exercise before he wakes up. I actually have the luxury of some time to myself this morning, and I'm enjoying that.

A few weeks ago I decided to give the medical professionals another shot at figuring out the fatigue. I have also been having some heart palpitations (for me, this meant an odd, intense heartbeat mostly noticed while lying down before sleeping). These were annoying and I doubted they were serious but wanted them checked out. After noticing them and talking with my friend Sarah (who happens to be an MD), she mentioned that the anti-depressant I have been taking (escitalopram, 20mg) could cause a heart condition called Long QT syndrome. Hmmm. I decided to pare down to 10mg escitalopram and see if that made me feel better. A month later it seemed maybe I had fewer palpitations, and I scheduled a doctor appointment to investigate as well as inquire again about my fatigue issues.

Tests ensued.

Heart - had an EKG and ended up wearing a Holter monitor for 48 hr to get it checked. I have PVCs - premature ventricular contractions - which are not usually serious, just annoying. Cardiologist gave me a clean bill of health. Good news.

Blood - Got CBC and metabolic panel as well has a blood smear (to rule out heel strike hemolysis). That showed my usual slight anemia (I've been slightly anemic with hemoglobin in the 12s and hematocrit 36-38 for as long as I can remember, which is obviously not great for a racewalker but is unlikely to explain the new onset of fatigue, as I have had this a long time) but also a slightly lowered white count with neutropenia. This probably doesn't mean much, but it did earn me a hematology referral. Because my iron (ferritin), B12, and folate are normal (yay for taking iron and B12!) it's weird that my hemoglobin is a bit low (for years it was low probably because my iron was low, but now it's unexplained). Perhaps my bone marrow isn't producing quite enough cells? Or they are getting destroyed by an inflammatory process? So. Something to investigate. I see hematology on July 27. I asked my doc if she was sure she was going to send me there, because my hemoglobin is not THAT low (12.3, and normal is 13 or more). I mean, the hematologist is going to roll his/her eyes that I'm walking in the door for help. She told me to advocate for myself, because I'm an athlete (or a wannabe athlete), and if LeBron James had a hemoglobin of 12.3 you bet the hematologists would take notice. Hmmm. Point taken.

Hormones - yeah, I'm old enough to be menopausal and that can contribute to fatigue, so got things checked. My LH and FSH are low enough that I'm not menopausal. Rules that out. While we're on the endocrine system, I got my TSH checked (thyroid) and it was normal. Rules that out too.

My doctor also gave me a referral to her sports medicine colleague to see if he had any ideas. He did.

We brainstormed and came up with a few things:

1) Lyme disease? Another blood test via Western blot - negative. Good. I'd hate to have that, and though I thought it unlikely (it's not common in Utah, though I've traveled some so that's always a possibility), I am glad to have that ruled out.

2) He agreed the hematology referral was worth a shot.

3) He wonders if my anti-depressant might possibly be the cause of all of this. Well, that is a novel thought. The timing is quite suspect if it took a while for it to begin to impact my training, now that I look at things. I have always had anxiety and am prone to mild depression but just gutted it out for years. Finally at the end of 2010 I decided to try medication, mostly because I felt my anxiety was negatively impacting my children. The medication (citalopram, 10mg) was great. I felt significantly better and things were much calmer around our house, and also my seasonal depression was a lot better, which improved my quality of life. In early 2011 I stopped it for a bit due to pregnancy (miscarried, sadly, even though unplanned) and restarted in late spring just a bit before World Masters. 2011 and early 2012 were my best years racewalking, as my iron was high and the fatigue hadn't started. If the antidepressant took a while to start to cause fatigue this is all possible. Late in 2012 everything nosedived - I had a poor 40k performance that fall (poor in that I was trained for 4:08ish and did 4:22 and felt awful) followed by an injury and a subpar 30k (3:15) due to not being able to train. Then in spring 2013 the crippling fatigue and muscle pain began. When I cut back on exercise, I felt better, and the muscle pain diminished over 18 months or so and hasn't returned, but if I exercise too much now I get punished. I wish I had the timeline better but...I don't...so...continuing, sometime in 2013 (?) I upped the citalopram dose to 20mg because of ongoing depression about racewalking & the fatigue. It did seem to help my depression. In 2014? early 2015? I switched from citalopram 20 mg to escitalopram 10 mg - similar drug, just purer preparation (enantiomer), and same dose. The fatigue didn't change much at all and my training was about the same. Kinda crappy. But I was happier about it at least :)! Last year, I had a lot of anxiety in the late spring and early summer, and my doc recommended upping the escitalopram to 20mg. That helped a lot. BUT...I started trying to train harder, hoping to go to Spain for World Masters, and the training worked to a point but then after that was just completely ineffective. It's the weirdest thing. Nothing my coach and I have tried has worked at all. I train and get slower. It's like hitting a wall. You could argue this is age-related, but it's just too sudden, too severe, and the timing seems quite coincidental. Now, it's possible it's not the anti-depressant. I've gotten all excited about stuff before in the past 5 years - for example, going gluten-free in 2014 (didn't help; negative test for Celiac's), trying no added refined sugar, upping protein intake, etc. So I'm trying not to get all excited about this. It's one more thing to try, and I'm hopeful, but not hanging everything on it.

Going off the escitalopram has been, well, interesting. Took my last dose 8 days ago, on Sunday night (saw sports medicine doc Monday morning). All week I've been very tired, which can only partially be explained by hosting a pianist, I think. In addition I've felt very dizzy, and when I turn my head it takes the world a while to follow. I've had "brain zaps" - hard to explain but unpleasant. Finally, on Friday afternoon I got some nausea and drew the line at that, so I took half a tablet of escitalopram (5mg). Friday night I felt much better. By Saturday night I was dragging again and I'm still feeling iffy, but I think I might be past the worst of this. I haven't had any more nausea, though food has been oddly unappealing at times (and I'm a food addict so this is saying something!).

It's going to be interesting to see if this helps. I expect the timeline to be pretty delayed, so that's a bit of a conundrum, as I also don't enjoy anxiety and depression. Usually the depression isn't bad in summer so that's good. My sports med doc says there are other anti-depressants I can try, but I'm wondering if that's a good idea? I have some time to think about it as he wants me to do a 2 month trial without anything and keep a diary (hey, this blog works! Let's do it!).

So, back to today - exercise: might racewalk and see how it feels. Might do elliptical. No pressure. Just something to keep active and stay healthy. In reviewing my blog, it's sad that it's come to that, but on the other hand, at least I can still do something and for that I'm grateful.

And I'm thrilled to celebrate being married for 25 years to Loren. He's a rock in many ways - his calm to my storm has been a great help. He's a terrific father to our kids, and a steady partner. We've been through a lot together. Here's to 25 more!

This time I really mean it. Resuming training, yet again. PTC training - week 1. Weight Watchers Summer - week 1.

My last post was entitled "Resuming Training". Um, yeah. That went well (not).

Fatigue has continued to be an issue, but at least in the last month I know it's because I was totally burning the candle at both ends with our pastoral search committee work for church. I made the deliberate choice to take another break and try again starting this week. Then my dad got really, really sick (bad bad bad GI bug) and my mom is vacationing in Spain, and yeah, that was stressful. I mentioned all this to my family doc, who has tried in the past to find answers to my fatigue, and she said we should try upping my anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds - could be related to depression. OK, sure, why not? I will do anything. I just want to feel better.

I did all my workouts this week. They were slow, but whatever. I am telling myself that I am just happy to be out there at this point, which is (mostly) true.

Sunday: 6K trail run (not on the schedule, just did it with Calvin)
Monday: 6K 6:44/km
Tuesday: 4K 6:55/km plus 3x200m @85% in 3:21
Wednesday: elliptical 40 min
Thursday: 3K fartlek (19:34; legs like concrete; warm at 22.8C)
Friday: elliptical 40 min
Saturday: 10K 6:50/km (photo above - me & boy-o and dogs)

I also went to Weight Watchers today. Weight - an ugly 169.4. (At home - 168.0). That has to be down to about 160 by August or I might die of embarrassment when staying with my very fit friend Katie.

OK, have got my work cut out for me. Onward.

Canyonlands 5-miler; feeling better

I've been feeling better since mid-February or so, which is great. I've been trying to get more sleep, but other than that I'm not sure what the difference is. It seems kind of random, as it has for the past 4 years, so I guess I'm just happy to be feeling better.

On Saturday (the 18th) I did the Canyonlands 5-miler. I was originally registered for the half marathon, but after the 2 weeks of fatigue in January I had to drop to the 5-miler. I was a bit bummed about that, but glad I could at least still do something. Calvin was slated for the 5-miler as was my friend Diane, so that worked well; plus, the weather was crazy warm on Saturday and the people doing the half really suffered at the end, so I guess it all worked out for the best.

I have actually been able to ramp up my long day just a little the past few weeks, from 8km to 10km, and so I decided to do 12km on race day. I did 2km out and back before the race started, and had the whole road to myself, which was absolutely stunning (at left). I got back just about 1min before the gun went off (perfect timing!) and then did the 8km of the race. My total time worked out to 6:36/km for the 12km, which was great considering how out of shape I am and also the hills and the warmth of the day, which I'm not used to yet.

Calvin and Diane had very good races and placed well in their age groups, I got Loren a couple beers at the finish line beer garden, and Grace enjoyed playing on the playground in the park, so we all had a great time. Plus add in some great food, swimming/hot tub at the hotel, and some amazing hikes (Saturday: Tower Arch; Sunday: Delicate Arch) and it was a great weekend. The only downer was the crazy 4WD road in Arches that totally tore up our car (eeek!); it was designed for high clearance vehicles but there was no sign advertising this and so we were in over our heads in our Rav4. Fortunately Loren was quite skillful so we didn't get stuck or roll the car (both very real possibilities on this crazy road) and the only damage was to our muffler. We got it fixed today for $182 so that could've been a lot worse.

More pics:

Delicate Arch

Pasta Jay's (Calvin's fave!)

***

Monday I did some elliptical to let my body recover.

Today I went out for a gentle 6K and my legs were still a little sore from the hiking, etc. so I wasn't surprised to be a bit slow at 6:48/km. But it felt fine and I plan on 8K on Thursday and 14K on Saturday. Fingers crossed to keep feeling good as I have a race registration for the Salt Lake Half in April and I can do it if things keep going all right.

Off to bed - I have been finding that extra sleep is very helpful with the fatigue thing.

follow-up since St. George trip

After I got back from St. George, which was SO restful, it took about 2-3 days for me to totally crash and burn. The fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks, and I have absolutely no idea why. I didn't overload my schedule when I returned, so...? Thankfully it was only bad for about a week, and I think maybe now I'm starting to feel better?

I've done a lot of elliptical lately, since I bought a used one for my house :), and the weather has been cold and nasty with a lot of snow. Plus I'm trying to take it easy on my body, with the fatigue and all.

So....the upshot is that today was the first day I racewalked since going to St. George, and it felt like it :(. I did 5K in 33:15, with some rolling hills (~20m), which isn't bad, but I was breathing SO hard, and my HR was up in the 160s. Sigh...all fitness gone. But at least I got to walk.

In other news, I went back to my Weight Watchers meeting on Saturday, after not going for 8 months. Yup, it was ugly. I had gained 15lb and am up to 174.0. Dang it. Well, what can I expect? I'm a recovering food addict and I have got to stay on track. So I'm back, and have work to do. I reset my goal weight to 160lb because I'm not walking competitively right now and that's a more realistic # given my fatigue. Back on the wagon - and I'm feeling great about tracking and monitoring food intake again :).

long break

I have had a long break from training, and from a lot more. From the end of July through the beginning of November, I pretty much felt lousy. Dizzy/off-balance, very fatigued, caught at least 4-5 colds/other viruses, and just felt rotten. Went to my family doc, who checked everything and found the same neuropathy I'd had 3 yrs ago when my B12 was low. She referred me to neurology, and when I finally saw them in November, they did an EMG which was totally normal. I still have some neuropathy type symptoms, but they are mild and nothing to worry about apparently. Soooo....still no idea what's wrong. My best guess is chronic fatigue of some type plus stress and viral illness = sick Tammy. I've been feeling pretty good for a few weeks now, though this week I've noticed the fatigue and dizziness a little. Still, I want to racewalk more, so I am cautiously adding in stuff.

Yesterday I did 6K at 6:35/km, which is pretty fast for me lately. Most of my workouts that I've been able to do have been more like 6:45-7:00/km, so 6:35 was good. So today I decided to do a 3K fartlek, even though I know I've been a bit "off" this week. I still want to try and get back to racewalking...carefully. I had to work out at the indoor track because outside there was a light dusting of snow on the track and it was slick. The indoor track is nice & warm anyway :) and it's dark out so late now, so indoor is kinda nice.

I did 5 laps to warm up, with some strides on the last lap. It felt surprisingly OK to walk fast on that last lap. I did some dynamic stretching and then started in on the fartlek. I felt pretty good for 5 laps (2 fast, 2 med, 1 fast) but then the 1 fast, 2 med, 2 fast to end were tougher. My medium effort laps were slow because I'm out of shape, but not as slow as I feared. My fast laps weren't as slow as I thought they'd be either. However, I was ***really*** out of breath and very tired at the end. But hey, I made it, and I was much faster than I expected.

My times (2 laps, 585m) were 3:25.9, 3:49.1, 3:30.6, 3:51.0, and 3:30.1 --- corrected to 500m that is 2:56, 3:16, 3:00, 3:17, 3:00. Total time 18:07, corrected to 18:34 for a full 3K (this was 2926m). That's not so awful. OK, yeah, slow...but of course! I haven't been training. But it's not deathly slow.

3K fartlek data here. 

***

I have gained about 10 lb too, from the recent problems. It's hard to keep weight off when you're chronically overtired and not exercising as much as you are used to. I am trying to take it back off now that I'm feeling better, but it's a slow process. Baby steps.

Still not feeling good

I did another 6K today, alternating walk/RW 500m each. I still felt tired, dizzy, and fatigued with heavy legs.

I'm wondering if it's the mystery illness again? My resting HR is running a little higher the last few weeks, maybe 53-55 instead of ~50. But that seems inconsequential?

The fatigue is pretty impressive. I fell asleep at a kids' birthday party on Saturday afternoon - while the kids were noisily playing Bingo.

Nothing I can do except wait it out, and do as much exercise as I can tolerate, for mental health if for nothing else.

Garmin data here. 

YES! Back to normal!!! 3x878m

SO EXCITED! My heart rate is back to normal. I don't know why, but it is; perhaps it was the stress of planning the 50th anniversary weekend events, and now that it's over I'm better? Or maybe stress plus the underlying mystery illness? I have no idea. I just know that I am better.

I went to the indoor track and warmed up. I wasn't feeling super energetic or motivated and was slow to start (1:56-1:57 laps (292.6m/lap)), but after a few laps I felt better and finished with a 1:44 lap, accelerating on the straights. My coach wanted me to do 3x1km, and the closest to that on this track is 3x878m, so that's what I did. My times were 5:03.1, 4:59.7, and 4:58.9 for a 1km equivalent of 5:45.3, 5:41.4, and 5:40.5. The times are good, though not great, but the heart rate was wonderful. Average was in the low 150s for the first interval, then it got down to 101 (!!! YES !!!) during my 2 min rest. Then the next one the average was mid-upper 150s, then 104 during the 2 min recovery :). Finally, on the last one the average was upper 150s-low 160s, then 109 during 2 min of recovery. Perfect. Compare that to the workout I did on May 25 (an interval workout, with longer intervals) and you can see the vast difference in the recovery HR. That workout had recovery HRs in the 130s (yikes!), and that totally cued me that something was wrong, as even during a very long and hard interval workout my HR usually recovers into the upper 110s or low 120s at the very most.

I'm really hoping this holds and that things are going to be back to normal. Oh, and my fitbit is showing resting HR at 56 average (including daytime) vs. 60 earlier in the week.

After my workout I biked to summer camp with the kids and then to work. Legs feel good. I'm a bit sleepy, but I didn't get enough sleep last night because we have houseguests, so that's not surprising.

Garmin data here.

Hot 6K

By many standards it wasn't hot this morning. But it sure felt hot to me. It was 27.2C (81F) at 6:30am. Yep. I think that's the hottest morning I can ever remember here; the cloud cover last night prevented it from cooling off much. Add in 39% humidity (quite high for here; cloud cover again) and it was pretty miserable. I'm sure it slowed me a little, but not too much I don't think. More significant might be my tired legs from yesterday's hike. They didn't feel too awful, but were definitely a bit heavy.

Add in tired pooches and it gets more interesting. As usual, Powder was lollygagging and I was practically dragging her at a few points. I might have to give up on taking her on training walks. I hate to do that as she needs the exercise, but she has to learn to keep up or she'll be relegated to slow walks with me or the kids or Loren later in the day.

I also messed up my Garmin when stopping in the park to pick up after Powder, who decided that the park sidewalk would be a nice place to do her business. Sugar is never that untidy. Sigh... but I lost about 2.5 minutes that way. My total time was approximately 39:30 for the 6K, which isn't too bad at 6:35/km, considering the conditions and my slightly heavy legs.

The fatigue overall seems to be a bit better and now that the big anniversary weekend is over, I'm hoping that I can get back to training hard, if my body will let me. We will see.

Garmin data here (for what it's worth, given the error).

6K

Yesterday: was going to cross-train, but family activities and stuff I had to do for my parent's 50th anniversary celebration this weekend kind of took over. In addition, I played a wedding in the morning - fun way to celebrate our own 22nd anniversary (yes, we got married on my parents' 28th anniversary). Busy day.

Today: I was supposed to do 12K, but I woke up a bit late (stayed up late working on more 50th stuff for the big dinner tonight) and so I allowed myself to sleep a little later. Well, then it was hot. Quite hot. It's supposed to get to 102F (39C) today; it was 75-80F during my walk (24-26C). I'm not used to that at all (Nyle - insert laughter here) and so I was dragging. Plus my legs felt heavy and tired. I decided that 6K was enough given the conditions, and the fact that I want to get better again not worse. I am OK with this. Baby steps, I guess. Thanks, coach, for being patient with me for a bit as I navigate getting out of the relapse.

Totals: 39:09 for 6:31/km with ave HR 148; I did take a few water/stoplight stops and a couple other brief rests.

Garmin data here. 

Wedding photos:
My parents, married June 26, 1965

Our wedding, June 26, 1993

cross-training; 3K fartlek

Yesterday: 25 min elliptical and bike ride up to work for 35 min hard cardio and 15 min easy.

Today: 3K fartlek. Went to the indoor track and did a 5-lap (each lap = 292.608m) warm-up. Felt really, really tired and sleepy. Ugh! Too much going on this week - it's been completely insane. But...the warm-up went OK and my legs were feeling decent, so I did the fartlek. On the indoor track I do 10 laps, 2 fast, 2 medium effort, 2 fast, 2 medium effort, 2 fast, for 2926m. I did 17:08, which converts to 17:34 for the full 3km. That's faster than my 3km race last weekend...sigh...but it is also flat, and Liberty Park is not flat. Regardless, my intervals of 2 laps convert to 500s of 2:48.7, 3:03.5, 2:49.6, 3:06.7, and 2:50.0. That seems decent enough. BUT also of note: my average HR was very high at 168 and my max was 182. Yikes! Plus, after 2 min my HR was still 136; usually it is more like 120ish after that time. Just data, but a bit alarming.

I've been very tired the rest of the day, but it's impossible to know whether this is from my breakneck pace this week or the mystery illness or both. I need some rest. Hopefully after this weekend it'll happen. Until then...well...I'm hanging on.

Garmin data here.

8K

Sunday: rest day.

Monday: rest day....was up until 3:20am working on an important project. So let's just say that racewalking didn't happen yesterday. I did make it through the day at work OK, but crashed out at home for a couple hours. I know in my current state of tiredness that this was a bad idea, but I didn't really have a choice, as there was a hard deadline on this project.

Today: 8K. Stopped my Garmin to chat with a friend in the park (met Henry, who introduced me to Brant (Brent? Geez I'm bad at names!) and Norma, who I've seen before - she's a cute ~70-80yo woman who carries doggie biscuits in her pocket to hand out to canine friends at Liberty Park on her morning walk/run) and then forgot to start it again. Oops. Missed about 750m, so when I got to 7.25km on my watch I called it quits.

My walk went fine; I was nice and fast to start on the slight downhill to Liberty Park, and then evened out at about 6:30/km, but then about 4.5km Powder (new dog) got tired and I had to pull pretty hard on the leash to keep her going...needless to say, my pace slowed a lot. I stopped to let her rest for a bit at 5km, then got her going a bit farther, then had to stop again. Oddly enough, I think she knows which way home is, because when we turned for home she perked up a bit and I was able to go faster again. So my walk was a bit slow, but it would have been faster w/o the dogs (I'm guessing about 6:25-6:30/km w/o the dogs?). Hopefully I can get Powder in better shape, or I will have to circle back home mid-walk to leave her so that I can go the pace I want with Sugar, who is a good endurance doggie.

My pace was 6:36/km with ave HR 150. Garmin data (missing 0.75km) here. 

I'm feeling OK now, though I am quite sleepy. I think I'm not all the way back on my normal sleep schedule, so if I'm tired that shouldn't surprise me. Hard to say if it's the mystery illness or not. Legs feel fine, thankfully - no weird soreness. I will have a better idea of how this affects me tomorrow, I suspect. A good night's sleep tonight will be critical, so I am going to make sure I'm in bed earlier.

adventures in fatigue...but getting better?

This week started out lousy, but has improved. Sunday = tired, tired tired. Monday = so tired and brain fogged (like jet lag, almost) that I called in sick from work and took a long nap. Tuesday = tired; left work an hour early. Wednesday = felt a little better; managed to do the elliptical for 30 minutes; got brain fog around dinner time, which is better than morning or midday. Thursday = rode bike to camp with kids then to work; felt decent.

Friday I felt like doing some racewalking, so I did 5K in 31:56 with the dogs. It was nice to be out, though I could tell I was a bit rusty, especially in the first km. It felt awkward.

Today: club 3K race (photos: judges, at right; participants, below). Last thing that I wanted to do, honestly. I didn't want to suck, was afraid of how bad I'd be, and was/am afraid of possible aftermath of a hard workout even if it was short. But it went OK and I'm glad I did it because it was fun to see everyone, and though I was slow it could have been lots worse. Liberty Park is NOT perfectly flat, and I figure I'd have been 15-20 seconds faster on a track, so I'm OK with my slowish 17:37. My heart rate averaged 168, and it was a whopping 181 at the finish, so I know I was pushing it hard. Garmin data here.  The 500s are NOT accurate; the only accurate splits are 1km and the finish, which were both measured on this certified course. Somehow I missed the 2km split so that's a guess too.

Someday, maybe, I'll be able to train again and will be back in shape. I am glad I'm feeling a bit better the last few days and am hoping maybe the fatigue will go away? We'll see.

Utah Valley Half Marathon

I've wanted to do this race for a long time, and finally signed up in March...before I knew I'd feel fatigued and have another relapse of the mystery illness. Add in that I promised my friend Alex from NYC that I'd do the race and drive him down there with me, and I was doubly committed. Fortunately, though I've been fatigued, I was still able to finish the race. It's too bad I haven't been feeling good, because this would've been a great full marathon to do. Nice downhill but not too steep, great scenery (canyon, forest, waterfall), well-organized, nice finish area, good medals. 

The one down side of the race was that we had to get up really, really early. It's a 50-55 min drive to Provo, where the buses were loading to the race start, and I had to be there by 4:30am; Alex had to be  at his start by 4:15am at the VERY latest. We decided that arriving by 3:45ish would be good, so we left at 2:55am, which meant getting up at 2:30am. I drank a bit of coffee thinking that'd work OK since I'd have time to use the ports-potty before the race, and that worked out well. It was a bit chilly at the start, up the canyon - maybe 50F? (10C). I found a couple friends, Diane and Marj, who were doing the race, and enjoyed chatting with them for a bit. They are in their 70s and still doing half-marathons and marathons - I love that! 

Pretty soon we threw our gear in the truck for transport to the finish, and the race was on. I tried to start off really easy and kept my HR in the 130s for the first nice downhill mile. I kept it a very easy effort until 7km, and then allowed the effort to get a bit harder until about 15km. Then, my legs pretty much gave up, and though I kept going, I stopped pushing the pace and kept my HR about the same, slowing to the finish. My last 5K was a quite slow 34 min, but I'm OK with that; let's face it - I wasn't at all trained to go more than 15k and I was just happy to know I'd finish. I tripped during mile 11 and almost went down, which scared me a bit. My right shin was very tired and I think I just didn't keep ground clearance well with my right toe. Thankfully, I didn't fall, just was off-balance for a few steps and recovered. It frightened me into being a bit more careful for the rest of the race. 

Recovery has been good so far. I haven't had any weird soreness, just the usual post-race stiffness. I have been tired, but not devastatingly so (yet). I took a 90-min nap this afternoon and that refreshed me quite a bit. Hopefully after a good night's sleep I'll feel pretty good tomorrow. We'll see!

Total time: 2:19:09.6 (official, from website). Yeah, that's slow, but most of the slow was the last 5K, so I'll take it. I'm just glad I could finish today. Average HR was pretty high for that speed at 156, but that just reflects being a bit out-of-shape for the long ones right now, I think. At least I'm not signed up for anything long for a while, so I can recover and maybe start some serious training again. Next race is a 3K on Saturday, then maybe a 3K in August in South Lake Tahoe, and then Portland-to-Coast in August. 

Garmin data here. (12th mile marker was off so that split is wrong).

cross-training...tired...

Yesterday: rode bike to work, slowly, after riding bikes with kids to summer camp.

Today: Was supposed to try 5K fartlek. Overtired. Woke about 30 min late and only had time for 20 min elliptical; besides, was so tired I couldn't imagine a fartlek. Discouraged. Annoyed. Wanting to give up, but also realizing that I might feel better soon. Can't imagine that as I'm so tired right now. After 20 min elliptical I rode my bike to summer camp and work. Legs heavy and tired, but no weird soreness at least.

Half marathon on Saturday? Hahahaha. Well...maybe I'll feel better by then. I can hope.

cross-training

I was in a bad mood last night. I was so very, very tired, and a bit discouraged. I know I'm getting better overall and that my relapses are not as bad, but when I'm tired it's impossible to keep perspective. Well it feels impossible, anyway. So...yeah...I ate stuff I shouldn't have eaten, and allowed myself to pout and feel sorry for myself, which is silly because I have a good life and ought to be grateful.

This morning my pity party was over and I had to figure out what to do next. Rest up, and hope I can do the 1/2 on Saturday. I rode with the kids to summer camp on the new-to-them bikes I purchased for them this weekend. They had outgrown their old ones and were ready for the new ones, which they were so excited to ride this morning! I got out my husband's bike, because it has lower gears than mine, rode with them, and then up to work from there. The hill from camp to work is much steeper than home to work, hence the lower gears. I took it so very, very easy on the way up here, using the granny gears to ensure than my legs were lightly used. I didn't wear my HR monitor but am sure it was pretty low; probably 110-120 most of the time.

Tomorrow or Wednesday I'll do some speed work, and then not much else until Saturday besides light cycling and elliptical. That should be OK.