Tuesday, March 12, 2013

some thoughts

I've been cross-training daily, from 40 min to an hour, depending on time. Also, I am doing tons of PT exercises. Plus I have 2 PT visits per week and 2 chiropractor visits per week. I actually got an afternoon without anything planned and I just sat and did nothing - read a book, surfed Facebook, listened to the kids practice the piano. I don't seem to have much time for anything else though. That's not a complaint, just a "noticing".

Last weekend Sarah and I took our daughters for a weekend retreat here in town at the Little America hotel. It was pretty nice...the pool is indoor-outdoor and well-heated, with tons of windows to let in the sunlight in the indoor part. We sat and read and relaxed while the girls swam, and swam, and swam some more. It was wonderful.

I'm glad to be back to "real life" too though. Work is busy and interesting right now, and I appreciate it. Routine is good and keeps things going. But I confess I feel a bit lost. I miss racewalking, I miss working out with Kelly, and I am struggling with my eating a lot. I had decided that I'd use some down time from racewalking to focus on eating better, but it's been very, very difficult. Emotionally things are a bit tough right now with the injury and all, and that makes eating well more of a challenge. I haven't given up, but I'm struggling. I am 10 lb above my racing weight and my pants are all tight, and yet I still embrace the food? Why? Habit, known comfort, etc. At other times I'm able to push it away: new habit, known discomfort that will result, etc.

I feel a bit vacant and sad, though not depressed like I felt a couple weeks ago. I hope I am adjusting to life without racewalking, as it seems it will be a while longer. I wish I could find another sport that I'd love as much, but so far I haven't had any great flashes of insight. Part of that is that I haven't tried many new things. I have been taking more figure skating lessons, which is great (I even learned a 1/2 turn jump called a waltz jump), but it's not much cardiovascular exercise, which I desperately need more of. The elliptical and the bike are doing the trick OK, with books and with riding my bike to work more feasible some days now that the weather is better. But they are not racewalking. I tried running, but that hurt my hip just like walking (though it took a bit longer to kick in).

I do feel a bit like I'm in limbo. I am hopeful for tomorrow afternoon, when I visit a sports med/phys med & rehab doc and see what she has to say about my diagnosis/treatment. The PTs have been helpful but this is going to take some time. Darn winter. If only I hadn't slipped on the porch steps. Well, I can't change the past. I have to try and move forward, one step at a time. Probably it's more like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, but at least I'm moving. Maybe.

No comments: