we'll give it a shot

I'm going to give work a try for 2 months on the new schedule and see how it goes. Since I really like my job, it's worth a shot. We'll see if the extra day at home creates enough margin. I think it could, but I'm not sure if it will, so I will just try it and see. Thanks for your input :).

indecision stinks

So, my last post about tough decisions? Throw it in the trash can. Not all of it, because I still believe every word I wrote. The problem is this - the boss values me so much that he has made an offer wherein I work 2 days instead of 2.5 for a little bit more money. Hmmmm. Couple that with a wonderful week at work where I realize just how much I really do love what I do (not just the identity that it gives me, which I love too - that is a problem, but it's a separate problem), and it makes it VERY hard to know what is right.

I think the extra half a day could be very significant. I mean, by the time I leave my house (12:45 pm) on Thursday, drive to the day care, then drive to work, work, pick up kids, and come home, it's 5 1/2 hours, easy. I'm usually not home until 6:15 pm. If I had all of that time at home, would that be the extra margin that I need? I'm not sure. It might be. The only way to find out is to try it. What do I have to lose by trying it for a little while? It might not work, but if it did...

So I'm thinking of trying it. Comments welcome.

tough decisions

It was a tough decision to go back to work, and I thought it was the right one. However, after 3 months, I have decided it was the wrong one. I feel like I'm missing out on things. I miss my kids. I need more MARGIN in my life. I am going to miss my work, but not as much as I was missing my kids.

One thing that really helped me decide was the sermon Jonathan gave on Sunday. He got me thinking about identity. I tend to find my identity in my work, and I love to be able to say "I'm a molecular biologist". I mean, how cool is that? "I'm a stay-at-home-mommy to 2 active children" just doesn't have the same ring. However, when the rubber meets the road, that just really doesn't matter. I get too hung up on what others think. Though it's been much better with increased age and wisdom (?), I still find myself doing it sometimes. I also enjoy doing something outside the home that I am good at and get positive feedback from. Work did have its tangible rewards that way. But y'know what? I am not giving up work forever, and it will still be there when I want to go back to it. Meanwhile, I get to enjoy the wonderful rewards of watching Michelle grow and take her first steps and watching Calvin expand his vocabulary and thought processes every day.

Last week was important to deciding as well. Having the week off w/the kids & my family was great, even if I was sick. I realized that even though I enjoy my work, I need the space and the margin that being at home more creates.

So, I'm working through January 30th, and that will be it for a while. That's the plan anyway.

I'm baaaaack!

Hope you all haven't stopped reading my blog. I just got overly busy with Christmas. It was an insane month, but I prefer not to dwell on that. Let's just say that things are going to be better now.

Put lots of new pics on our web site, if you're interested. The family was here for Christmas (my parents, my brother, and his wife) and we had a blast when we weren't in bed with fevers or worshipping the porcelain god. Yup, we were all pretty darn sick. But we did have a good time anyway. Managed to hit the Red Iguana and Bangkok Classic Thai while everyone was here, which was great. I also made a fabulous turkey dinner complete with German sweet chocolate pie and all-American peppermint stick torte for dessert.

Making dessert is my favorite type of cooking, I think. I got a GREAT new cookbook called The Best Light Recipe for Christmas, and I'm going to make the NY Cheesecake for the Epiphany party at New Song. The cookbook is fabulous - I tried the lasagna recipe tonight, and it tastes AMAZING and was only 7 points per good-sized serving.

This is pretty rambling, but it's all I have time for. Got to go - motherhood calls!

LIFETIME!

Here's Janece (my WW leader) leading a cheer for me when I received my LIFETIME WW membership on Saturday the 25th!!!

I'm 5 months old (November 23rd) and SO CUTE!

Stuff

Been awhile since I posted... so here's some stuff.

Thanksgiving was great. I ran in the Cold Turkey race, placing 7th out of 42 in my age group! It was a 6K race, and I completed it in 33:32 official time, which is about a 9 minute mile. Not bad! I did tweak my knee just a bit - have a slightly strained MCL on my left leg. I am still able to walk just fine, thankfully, so I'm going to lay off the running for a month or so until it heals up completely. Honestly, I prefer racewalking anyway, so it's not a big deal.

After the race I made dinner (except the turkey, which Loren smoked as he does every year), and the 4 of us enjoyed a wonderful meal together. The kids were pretty well behaved, and Calvin really liked the stuffing and the cranberry relish. Of course, Michelle did not get to try any turkey this year.

Since then, we've had a relaxing weekend. I painted the wood post on our porch, touched up the rust spots on the car, and helped Loren put up the exterior Christmas lights. Calvin enjoyed running around outside while we put up the lights. We put icicle lights on the fence and on the front eaves, and a net light and rope lights on some other fencing. The juniper trees got regular small white lights. All that remains is to re-do the lights on my "Jesus is Lord" sign that I usually put in the window. The squirrel that lives in our garage decided that the lights tasted yummy, and that it was a good place to store his nut stash, so I'm going to have to put new lights in the sign. Grrrrrr!

Today I made turkey soup (yum!) and we put up the Christmas tree and put the ornaments on it. All I have left to do decorating-wise is to put up the remaining indoor decor, which shouldn't take too long. Then I just have to finish my shopping, mail gifts, and write and mail the Christmas letters. Seems like a daunting task right now. I suppose one small step at a time will get it done, though.

Awesome gadget

Whether you are a walker or a runner, the Nike + iPod sport kit is a must have. I was asking for a $350 GPS gizmo for Christmas so that I could monitor my walking/running pace in real time, not realizing that I could do the SAME THING with the $29 Nike + iPod sport kit. Well, you DO have to have an iPod nano to use it with first... but I just happen to have a nano, so that was not a problem. Anyway, I just tested the thing, and it is truly amazing. It will tell you at any point in time how long you have been working out, how fast you are going, and how many calories you've burned. It saves your workouts and synchs them to the computer, and you can set goals for yourself, etc. on the Nike website. Haven't tried that yet, but I will. Tomorrow I am going to run intervals on the East High track (was planning to do this anyhow, for a race I'm training for), and so I'll calibrate the thing for extra accuracy (though it already seems pretty darn accurate w/o calibration, based on running and walking up & down the street).

One warning - the box says you have to have special Nike shoes to put the sensor in. Not so. There are plenty of websites where people have come up with ingenious ways of using the sensor w/o the shoes. I just bought a brand new pair of Addidas running shoes at the Salt Lake Running Company, and there was no way I was going to plunk down another $100 for special Nike shoes. So I tried this method with the sensor and it works great.

Goal party

This is me after the goal party last night. The best thing about the night was looking good in the little black dress.

Before I say anything else, I want to thank Sarah & Bryan for hosting, and I want to thank the people who attended: my husband and children, the Wheatley family, Nancy, Pat, Shannon, Lisa, and Jay and Susan (who got lost and didn't make it but tried!). I hope I didn't just forget someone... if I did, my deepest apologies - I'm a little tired! I very much enjoyed the support of these dear friends and we had a great time talking, eating, looking at the before and after photo display, and playing games. The Wheatleys brought a really great card with a little black dress on it (and they didn't know I was going to wear that!!!). Shannon & Lisa brought me a fabulous bag of stuff for a relaxing bath/spa day, and a great card with ummmm, let's just say, an outfit I never could have worn before (but I can now!). It meant a LOT to me that all of these special people came and celebrated this milestone in my life.

However, the party was a big disappointment. The attendance was really low. This is one of the most important things I have ever done in my life, and when I celebrated it and invited everyone I know in Utah, less than 15 people came. The weather wasn't great, which I'm sure didn't help. The short notice of the event due to my vacation insanity was probably the biggest reason people didn't come. I only told people about the party 9 days beforehand, though I did send an e-mail AND hand out flyers to people. I have learned my lesson there, I suppose.

The bottom line is that very few people came, and I feel hurt. Maybe I shouldn't feel hurt, but I do. I know people are busy, and perhaps that is just the reality of 21st century life. Perhaps I have set my expectations too high. In any case, I feel that I have to ask myself some hard questions now. Am I the kind of person that people want to be around? Are there things about me that are abrasive? Am I a little bit too weird? Does any of that really matter? I mean, whose opinion of me really counts? Do I care too much about what others think?

These are hard questions. I need to make time to think about them. I often fall into the trap of expecting too much from people and being disappointed, and I think that is what happened here. Ultimately, I need to take comfort in the love of the friends who DID come and in the fact that my husband loves me and God loves me even if I am the kind of person that others find difficult to love. Right now, though, even if I should let it roll off of my back and forget about it, I can't. It just hurts.

The lion will lie down with the lamb...

Perfect weather for the reception

Alex and Erica's wedding

Vacation stuff part 2

The wedding was marvelous. Alex looked SO happy, and I am so thrilled that he has met such a wonderful woman, Erica. I couldn't ask for more for my brother.

Photos of the wedding
Photos of the rehearsal

I got to play the piano for the wedding, and it went so well. The wedding coordinator was dynamite, and I always knew exactly what was going on. That NEVER happens in a wedding, so I was very pleased.

We enjoyed a great visit with Marge & Drake and their kids in Half Moon Bay (phtoos here), and then we drove to Davis for a brief visit with my former piano teacher, MarLyn, and my old boss John Payne(photos here).

Halloween was a lot of fun (photos here)- we visited Dyan and her kids, Paul & Suzanne and their kids (they really do the day up right!) and finally ended up at Grandma Mary's house in Lakeport, where we enjoyed trick or treating.

We visited Tania & Enoch and their kids in Palo Alto before flying home.

The flight home was a disaster. I arrived at the San Jose airport, 2 kids in tow, at 11:30 am for my 1:30 pm flight, only to be told that the flight no longer existed. Hello?!?!?!? Why did nobody from Delta call me and tell me?!?!?!? They said the best they could do was get me out on a 6 pm flight. I told them they were nuts if they thought I was going to spend the whole day in the airport with 2 little kids. They finally got me on a 3 pm flight out of SFO, but I had to take a taxi there, which meant strapping the car seats back into the car, getting help with the enormous amount of luggage, and then running out of cash to tip everyone because I had twice the tips I counted on. To be fair, the airline did pay for the taxi, but all the same, it was NOT fun. I still had to wait almost 2 hr for the flight out of SFO once we got there, and Calvin was past his naptime and was totally miserable.

Anyway, we did eventually get home, and the rest of the vacation was great, so it was worth it. However, I'm not too keen on flying w/2 little kids in the near future.

Vacation stuff part 1

Carol & Tammy after the race

Enjoyed the vacation immensely... the day after the wedding, October 29th, I ran a 5K with my aunt, Carol North, who is in excellent shape and a great runner (I've always admired her running ability). We ran and finished together, and it was great. I had never ever RUN 5K before in my life, so it was very exciting. I actually finished in 11th place out of 68 in my age group. Carol got SECOND PLACE in her age group!!!

FEMALE AGE GROUP: 30 - 39
1 59 Mihaela Plummer 37 Castro Valley CA 23:14
2 94 Jesualda Sousa 34 Monterey CA 25:34
3 111 Bonnie Rebella 39 Chicago IL 26:14
4 119 Amy Wylie 31 Seaside CA 26:25
5 124 Jennifer Dreyer 32 Monterey CA 26:42
6 128 Jodi Rabideau 30 Marina CA 26:52
7 136 Sally Osborne 31 Monterey CA 27:09
8 145 Narayanan Meiyyappa 30 Fremont CA 27:27
9 153 michelle staub 31 monterey CA 27:36
10 161 Jacqueline Perkins 34 Monterey CA 28:02
11 170 Tammy Stevenson 36 Salt Lake City UT 28:07

FEMALE AGE GROUP: 50 - 59
1 88 Sandy Laurence 50 Woodinville WA 25:13
2 171 Carol North 52 Dallas TX 28:08

I'm adorable!!!

Another goal achieved

I biked MILLCREEK CANYON this afternoon. Yup. I did it. All the way from below the fee station (hey, didn't wanna have to fork over the $2.25!) up to the very top. The last mile or so was pretty brutal, but I DID IT! It should also not go unmentioned that my friend Dorothy, who is about 20 years older than me, also made it to the top. She is in amazing shape. I hope that I will be that fit in 20 years.

To celebrate my achievement, we went to Marie Callendar's and I enjoyed a VERY VERY BIG piece of German chocolate pie. Yum! Hey, I burned 1191 calories on that bike ride, so I deserved that piece of pie!!!

Goal award

The larger silver keychain is my award for losing 10% of my weight (which I received sometime around May 2005, I think). The small gold charm is my goal award, which I received today!

Goose Egg

Never ever let your child ride in the basket of a shopping cart. I thought Calvin was afraid enough of heights to stay in the basket. WRONG. He catapulted himself out and landed on his head in the middle of Babies R Us. Embarrassing and stupid. From now on, he rides buckled up in the child seat, no matter how much he protests. The good news is that he's just fine and doesn't seem to even remember that it happened. Whew.

GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I reached my goal today! I have lost 95.0 lbs - from 249.8 to 154.8. I am SO HAPPY to finally be at goal. These last few pounds have taken a while, but it's worth it to really be there at last. Now the maintenance challenge begins, but I feel ready for it. Here's to a healthy lifestyle!

Me with Janiece, my WW leader (She is pregnant right now! How exciting! She lost 100 lb on WW herself, and is very inspirational).

Busy. Reading. Vaccines. WW. Push-ups. Pictures.

I've been busy. I took the job that S offered me, and last week I worked 24 hr because I have no day care tomorrow and Friday, so I needed to make up some of that time. The good side of that is that I don't have to work tomorrow and Friday, except for some stuff I can do from home. I've got some papers to read to inform myself about the research in one lab I'm going to be doing some projects for. While Calvin is napping I should be able to do a little reading, and maybe after he goes to bed I can do some more.

No reading for work tonight, though. I'm just going to enjoy a little reading for fun. I've been reading a book by David Oshinsky about the history of the polio vaccine, and it's very interesting. It makes me so incredibly grateful to have vaccines to give my children so that I don't have to be afraid of them being paralyzed or even killed by polio. They can also avoid measles, mumps, rubella, diptheria, tetanus, pertussis, and yes, even chickenpox. It's amazing that the polio vaccine has only been around for 50 years, and today, we have forgotten the fear of the past. Forgotten enough that there are plenty who don't immunize their children because they are scared of the side effects of the vaccines. Please. The diseases are FAR far worse. All right, I'm about to get on my soapbox, so I'll stop there - you get the point.

You're probably wondering how WW is going. I actually gained 0.8 lb last week, though I think it was water retention. Whatever. It was really annoying, since I was totally following the program all week. Oh well. I'm sure I'll have a nice loss this week, and I am only 2.8 lb from my goal, so I'm very very close. I figure I'll get there by the end of the month. I am so thrilled!

On the physical fitness side of things, it's going great. Today my weight training instructor had us doing push-ups on an exercise ball. Talk about an amazingly hard exercise. I was so proud of myself, though. I did 3 sets of 10-12 reps. Keep in mind that I could barely do 15 GIRLS push-ups a year and a half ago, and now I can do 3 sets of guys' pushups on an exercise ball (much harder than regular push-ups). It was thrilling. The instructor said he was really impressed that Lisa (my weight training buddy) and I could do them so well. He said that we were in great shape. It was wonderful and amazing to hear those words and know that it was true - I have NEVER in my life felt in great shape, until now.

Here are some more pictures of my 5K on 9/30.

Here are some pictures of Calvin's 2nd birthday.

Off to read & relax! Ahhhhh.