This is me after the goal party last night. The best thing about the night was looking good in the little black dress.
Before I say anything else, I want to thank Sarah & Bryan for hosting, and I want to thank the people who attended: my husband and children, the Wheatley family, Nancy, Pat, Shannon, Lisa, and Jay and Susan (who got lost and didn't make it but tried!). I hope I didn't just forget someone... if I did, my deepest apologies - I'm a little tired! I very much enjoyed the support of these dear friends and we had a great time talking, eating, looking at the before and after photo display, and playing games. The Wheatleys brought a really great card with a little black dress on it (and they didn't know I was going to wear that!!!). Shannon & Lisa brought me a fabulous bag of stuff for a relaxing bath/spa day, and a great card with ummmm, let's just say, an outfit I never could have worn before (but I can now!). It meant a LOT to me that all of these special people came and celebrated this milestone in my life.
However, the party was a big disappointment. The attendance was really low. This is one of the most important things I have ever done in my life, and when I celebrated it and invited everyone I know in Utah, less than 15 people came. The weather wasn't great, which I'm sure didn't help. The short notice of the event due to my vacation insanity was probably the biggest reason people didn't come. I only told people about the party 9 days beforehand, though I did send an e-mail AND hand out flyers to people. I have learned my lesson there, I suppose.
The bottom line is that very few people came, and I feel hurt. Maybe I shouldn't feel hurt, but I do. I know people are busy, and perhaps that is just the reality of 21st century life. Perhaps I have set my expectations too high. In any case, I feel that I have to ask myself some hard questions now. Am I the kind of person that people want to be around? Are there things about me that are abrasive? Am I a little bit too weird? Does any of that really matter? I mean, whose opinion of me really counts? Do I care too much about what others think?
These are hard questions. I need to make time to think about them. I often fall into the trap of expecting too much from people and being disappointed, and I think that is what happened here. Ultimately, I need to take comfort in the love of the friends who DID come and in the fact that my husband loves me and God loves me even if I am the kind of person that others find difficult to love. Right now, though, even if I should let it roll off of my back and forget about it, I can't. It just hurts.
2 comments:
i would have been there if i could.
this is so huge for you... you've struggled with this as long as i've known you. what an incredible victory both physically and spiritually. take heart, those who were meant to be there were .... hugs and kisses,
i am so proud of you.
I thought the transportation issue was going to by my major problem, but in the end I had I migraine (still had the tail end of it at church yesterday, which is why I left after the sermon).
Have you ever read any Henri Nouwen? I highly recommend "The Inner Voice of Love." It's got a lot of great stuff on this issue of expectations of other people, how we sometimes set ourselves up to get hurt, and other related issues. That book sort of changed my life, or was at least a catalyst for change about how I think of myself, how my need for approval/affirmation from other people was damaging me and my relationships, and more! It's pretty much a gold mine. Someone recommended it to me a few years ago and I remember when I read it thinking, "Wow, the person who recommended this must really think I'm screwed up," but then I found so much in there that was right on.
Anyway, you know how impressed and proud I am of your accomplishment and the drive you show in so many areas of your life. Sorry I couldn't be there to celebrate in this particular way.
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