16K

Yesterday: elliptical & resisted urge to bike to work, since last time my hamstring didn't like it.

Today: 16K on the JRP; first 10K with Kelly and Sugar and last 6K with just Sugar. I ran into Sarah out there at a bit shy of 13K and it was nice to see her. The weather was amazing and my workout was great, too. Yay! Plus all the flowers are blooming and it's just gorgeous right now. Of course, this being SLC, it could snow tomorrow (and who knows, it might!). It was 13.9C (57F) and breezy, but not so windy that it messed up my walking.

Pain levels were quite good. They started off at mostly 1/10 with some 2/10, then as I went it was more 1/10 and even some kms with no pain. Yes!!!! This after sitting a lot at dinner and the symphony last night, so I'm quite pleased.

I didn't try to go fast. We started slowly and I didn't want to push anything. I got to 10K in about 1:06:xx and felt good. Happily, my legs felt good all the way to probably the last 500m, when they started to get tired. But that bodes well for next week's half marathon, and also for next week's training. Maybe I can ramp things up.

Weight Watchers: Um, yeah, I have had a lot of problems the last few weeks. I only gained 0.4lb from 2 weeks ago, but...yeah...it's time for some soul searching. Kelly and I talked about it and it was very helpful to have her support and her perspective, plus I went to my meeting today and also my church small group has been helpful. I am in a good frame of mind right now and realize that I need to 1) slow down a little so I can sleep a bit more, 2) focus on treating my body well. I'm feeling a second wind here; it probably helps that racewalking is going better this week.

Perth, here we come (I hope!).

Garmin data.

injured but fighting back

Sorry I haven't been around. I should blog about this so I can learn from it, or someone else can, or for therapy, or something :).

I thought I had pulled my hamstring, but it turns out after much poking, prodding, etc. by Loren and Kelly (helps to know an M.D. and a P.T.), it turns out it's piriformis syndrome. Oh yay. Well, at least I know how to deal with that.

Down side:
1) I'm injured, just when I was getting back into good training.
2) I've gained weight from traveling and from feeling sorry for myself and overeating (duh!). Lame, but at least remediable.
3) I'm grumpy about it. I'm not depressed, thankfully, just grumpy and feeling like that black space is looming if I am not careful. The eating has a lot to do with that - eat too much, and the black space beckons with self-condemnation and negative thoughts.

Up side:
1) I am motivated to get my eating in gear again, after a week of feeling sorry for myself and realizing anew that the food doesn't make it better. I'm not the same person I was when I was obese, but I still have to fight those tendencies. The fight does get a little easier with time, though it's still a struggle.

2) I am happy to be working on activating my glutes while racewalking. I have been doing lots of exercises that my coach gave me, plus had Kelly watch me do them to be sure I'm using the right muscles. I am :). But those exercises have to translate into using my glutes while walking, which is the tricky part. It means for now that I have to slow down a bit and really concentrate on my technique. Go slow to be faster. I tell people this, and often they don't want to comply, and I do understand why, but I want to go to Perth next fall and that's not going to happen unless I (literally) get my butt in gear.
3) I am also working on correcting the anterior tilt of my pelvis (see graphic). My posture has always been an issue while racewalking, and though it's gotten better, it's not quite there. But I think I really really understand now, in a much deeper way, exactly how this works, and not just in my head, but in my body. I can feel what it feels like to walk with anterior tilt, and how I can't use my glutes, and how it feels tilt the pelvis properly and to use them while walking. I'm optimistic.

Meanwhile, I have been doing the elliptical, doing my exercises, doing the stationary bike, and racewalking just a tiny bit. The first day I only did one lap of the indoor track before calling it quits. Today I made it 5 laps, which is progress. I doubt I will be able to do the 1 hr postal on Saturday though, but it's minor in comparison with getting healthy, getting my head on straight, and training for Perth. It's also minor in comparison with being a good mom, good employee, good wife, and enjoying Christmas with my family. So, here goes!

5K

Easy 5K this morning. No problems. Piriformis feels fine; am working hard to keep upright and make sure my knees are coming through straight and that I am using my flutes more. Still...need to do strength training...no time...have to figure it out. Weather was decent and seasonal at 30F (-1C) with a slight breeze.

Mood isn't good. Not enough sleep last night after staying up late to do something at work :(. Then I ate a big piece of cake :(. Ugh. Feeling a bit bleak. Oh well. This too shall pass.

At least it's Friday. But I'm anxious about 16km tomorrow. I want to do it and want it to go well but worry it won't. I really want to be able to go long again without being so afraid.

Garmin data here from this morning. 32:20 for 6:28/km with ave HR 142.

cross-training; 8K

Yesterday: I took it really easy. I was afraid of two things: 1) increasing any piriformis problems and 2) mystery illness relapse. I slept in a little and then only had time to do 21 min on the elliptical. That was enough; I am working hard on my eating and was quite careful. It was a co-worker's birthday and I did enjoy a very small piece of carrot cake (that I made for him) but had a very modest dinner of turkey soup to compensate. I feel good about how the eating is going now that I'm back from vacation.

Today: After going to bed early last night, I woke feeling better than I've felt all week. That's not saying much, but I did feel good. I went out for my 8K, and it was reasonably warm for February, at 36F (2.2C) and calm and overcast, with rain predicted. Well...they got that one wrong, as it's been snowing since about 9am! Glad I got my walk in early. The 8K went well; my piriformis felt OK, no weird soreness resulted, and I wasn't fast but wasn't slow either. It took me 51:44 for 6:28/km with ave HR 152. Sugar, my dog, sure enjoyed getting to walk with me again after a hiatus due to vacation and then bad weather on Monday.

Other minor items - I'm still a bit concerned that I could be having a little relapse of the mystery illness. It's hard to tell minor weird soreness from the piriformis issue; they are different, but there is some overlap. Also, I've been a bit fatigued this week but that could easily be attributable to 1) the time change from CA and 2) being back from vacation. Finally, I have lost a bit of the weight from vacation; probably some water, but hey, who cares? Scale's moving in the right direction. 162.4 this morning, down from 164.0 on Saturday. Hopefully it's a trend. I'm working hard. Need to get to a reasonable number by May to improve my 15K speed. Of course, being able to train will help equally. Hopefully we can increase the speed work one of these days. Seems like there are lots of roadblocks at the moment. I'm trying to remain positive and enjoy my workouts stress-free, but that's hard given that I'm worried about mystery illness and piriformis trouble.

Garmin data here. 

Below, snow as seen from work today.

one foot in front of the other

These days, it's just one foot in front of the other. Try to get some good exercise. Go to work. Limp around, because my toe is still painful for ordinary walking. Try not to dwell on that misfortune. Focus on eating as well as I can given the circumstances, reminding myself that self-care is a good gift that will pay dividends. Then, forgetting. Overindulging, and re-remembering.

Along the way, some good insights happen. This was a really musical week; I spent a lot of time arranging a piece for SATB quartet with a friend from church, and then rehearsing and performing it. In addition, there was working on other choir pieces, giving piano lessons to the kids, practicing my clarinet for next week's choir piece, and today after church, kids' and adult choir rehearsal (with me and my broken toe squeezed into small organ shoes, sight-reading a nifty seasonal arrangement), and finally women's ensemble. Oh, and Friday night Loren and my mom and I went to the symphony to hear Beethoven's Ninth, which was very well done. I'm loving the music, which is my insight of the week, along with the need for some silent time, encouraged by our pastor in today's sermon.

I'm also trying to do a little reading while I cross-train. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I only managed about 30 min elliptical each day, as my body was fatigued. I'm not sure if it's the mystery illness, as I've had some leg soreness that seems akin to the weird soreness (especially after Wednesday's killer 90-min spin session), or maybe the seasonal busyness, but I crashed and needed a nap and some alone time today. That brings me back to the reading. I'm reading a book of short stories (fiction), a book about introversion (non-fiction), and a couple other things. I'm one to read as many books as possible at the same time.

And, I am thinking to take a break from most social media for a bit; the holiday season is really busy, and I want to pare down so that I can enjoy the things that matter most. I'll keep blogging, as it's more for me than for anyone else. Who knew that I would ever think writing is therapeutic (I generally dislike writing and avoid it whenever possible; part of the reason I'm in molecular biology is that I wanted a career in which writing wasn't necessary)? But a little blogging seems good for the soul, or something like that.

This week: spin class tomorrow, I think. Then, whatever my body allows. It's a balancing act, learning all over to care for myself, my family, and do my work. As seasons in life change, I must adapt, and figure out how to cope with the curve balls I've been thrown, whether it's a mystery illness, a broken toe, or something much more difficult.

My apologies for the rambling. It's good to get things out and explore them in writing.

cross-training; 8K; relapsing?

I am trying to recover and feel better, and unsure of how to proceed.

Thursday: took it easy with 30 min on the elliptical. Oddly, I felt good and did about 4.35 miles in 30 minutes; on this elliptical that is a bit above average for me. Ave HR was 139, so I wasn't pushing too hard. Garmin data here. 

Friday: 1 hr spinning class, but again took it pretty easy and watched my heart rate so I wouldn't push too hard. Kept it mostly between 130 and 145, with a little between 145 and 150. Average was 139. Garmin data here. 

Today: Coach said I could try to RW today and see how it went, and he said to go as I felt I could. I had in my head to do 10K, my legs thought 6K would be good, and so we compromised with 8K. My legs had some of the weird soreness in the last km, and after I RW I took my son to his futsal (indoor soccer) game and then to breakfast. I really noticed the soreness while sitting at the game and at breakfast. It's not the worst it's been, but definitely there.

On the positive side, I was very glad to be able to racewalk, and did 8K in 51:18 for 6:25/km with ave HR 150. OK, all things considered. I guess.

Garmin data here. 

***

Random thoughts.

What to do? Apparently I need to manage my problem as a chronic illness. This is the message I'm getting from my husband and also from my coach. I really wish I could figure out what was wrong, but I just do not know. Sometimes "why?" questions are just not helpful. At this point I feel I need to focus on what I can do, be grateful for the little things and thankful that the fatigue is not as severe as it was. It's hard to maintain a good attitude, but the alternative is not helpful.

I need to narrow my focus as well. My eating has been out of control lately, and since I can't exercise as much as I want, it's been more of a problem. I also haven't been attending my Weight Watchers meetings. Hmmmm, not smart. I've had good excuses (out of town, watching a friends' kids, etc.), but obviously I'm not focused on the right things right now. I can't train like I want, and so there's not a lot of point investing a huge amount of energy, both mental and physical, in training. It makes more sense at this point to train as much as my body allows, which isn't much at the moment, and spend more energy on my eating habits and the psychological habits that will help me feel better and treat my body better. I've been reading a book on parenting that suggests that choosing two things at a time to work on with your kids is a good idea (i.e. getting them to do just two behaviors that are desirable), and I think that is a reasonable principle for adults as well. So for right now, one behavior for me to work on is weight management via eating habits/psych habits. Along with that, another useful behavior is good sleep hygiene vis a vis less Facebook and more reading. This feels right as I consider it.

Any input from my few remaining readers is welcome :). I know now that my coach, my mom (who's out of the country and therefore not reading it right now), Nyle, and Ollie still read this.

As for the future, I'd still like to do a half marathon in March. I don't know if that will be possible. I hope so, but I'm not sure, so I am not signing up for it yet. I did already sign up for a half marathon in April, so we'll see how that goes. In two weeks I have a 1-hour postal, which seems ludicrous right now, but if I feel better I think it could go OK. I was in reasonable shape before all this happened (again).

Our family is trying to budget to go to World Masters in Perth in 2016, but it's going to be very expensive, and if I'm not feeling better then it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Sad, but true. However, I don't have to make any decisions about that at this point except for budgeting and saving like it's going to happen, which isn't a bad thing to do in any case.

Thanks for listening.